To the Man I Had to Hurt to Make Things Right

I've never mastered the art of writing a sad love letter only because I've never written one. I've heard people started with a simple "Hello," or "I'm sorry." I'm starting mine with one simple, desperate-sounding sentence.

I miss you.

It has not been a week since I broke the strings off but already I want to buy a plane ticket and fly to you and beg you to take me back. That would be weird. As with this letter because I was the one who decided it's best we stopped dating now. You'd think I'm making no sense in saying that or feeling that. But I am. I do. I miss you.

Let me be clear. I do not miss having someone to kiss and hold me when my nights are cold; someone I could talk to whenever I need to grieve or celebrate; someone who would drown in the silence with me as we wrap ourselves around each other; someone who could make me laugh and cry. I do not miss having someone to do those things with. I miss having you to share those moments with.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry for making you feel like I dropped you so easily. I isn't like that. If it were so easy, I wouldn't be writing this letter now and saying things like "I miss you." But like I said during our last phone call, this is the right, the best, and the mature thing to do. We need to make individual adjustments first before we could be together the proper way. Besides, weren't you the one who always said that things are going to get worse before they get better? The best romances require the greatest sacrifices. 

I also want to apologize for every little thing I've done that hurt and disappointed you. I've learned my lesson(s).

I promise.

Even though we decided not to communicate for a while to effectively move past this heartbreaking stage, I promise I would never do anything that I know would hurt you or disappoint you. I've already done enough by managing to break both our hearts. I couldn't stand making more damage than I already did. I also promise to take good care of my health. That has always been one of your primary concerns. I will follow all the doctor's orders.

I hope you take good care of yourself too. I'm sure you're gonna spend a lot of money on drinks and gadgets and food. I just hope you're not gonna end up becoming an obese drunkard with cool gadgets and no money.

I will keep on missing you.

You are still the first thought that greets me in the morning, and the good night image I see before I close my eyes. Just because I've kept traces of you inside a big box doesn't mean nothing's left to remind me of you. We've been together too long I can't seem to recall doing anything without you. It's not a bad thing, really. It even makes me smile a bit. You are still my happy thought. Always have been. Always will be.

I'm feeling a lump in my throat now so I think this is where my letter has to end. Think of me sometimes. When you do, think not about how it ended but how great we were together. Think not about getting stuck in this dark moment but how we'd fall in love again in the future.

I love you still, but today I chose to look past that to allow myself to love you better tomorrow.