Kaleidoscope

 

One move and everything changes—

Effect so similar

to the science of glasses,

mirrors, and light.

Binding fragments of an image

to create an alluring masterpiece
though it is, in reality, a mere illusion.

One move. And everything changes.
We know this and yet we turn that wheel.
Willingly
though half-blind of what to expect,
we wonder what's next.
Curious, we press questions
'til we end up still wanting to turn it,
not heeding the voices saying:

"One move and everything changes..."
Too brave not to do it so we do.
Steer and steer
'til we well up at the frame we behold.
Now blame wondering.
Now blame curiosity.
Now blame ourselves.
We proved unprepared to see the answers.

One move and everything changes.
We sought for a bridge—
a slim path, even—
to walk across this cliff,
but as though reading along
the climax of a romance novel
and flipping to a missing page,
we found a bigger gap instead.

ONE move and EVERYTHING changes.
Too broken to take it,
we close our eyes shut,
hide in regret in the darkness
behind our eyelids.
Yet that will not save us,
nor fill in the chasm.
No.
It will not undo that one move
that changed it all.

Awake

That's how you stay

     When you lay in bed

     With just one thought in your mind.

On our part of the world,

     Silent Asia,

     They rest, dream, sleep.

Our heads

     Lie with the other half,

     World's wild West.

But we carry neither noise

     Nor muteness.

We mind only this:

     I think of you.

     You think of me.

That's what keeps us.

     Yes, missing keeps us

     Awake.

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Photo taken from this page.

I am the Worst Person

So, I haven't been writing for the past few months only because I was afraid that if I put things into writing, they become eternal. They become emotions I can conveniently retrieve every single time I scan through my blog. The past couple of months weren't exactly the best time. Quite the opposite. I was afraid that I'd dive back into that sinking feeling if I read through this post again in the future. I was afraid that if I wrote them down, it would become even more real. Like etched in stone. Tonight, however, it dawned to me—they're meant to be written as reminders of how I should always strive to be better to not ever go back to that horrid state again.

(Fair warning: This is an "I" post. So... Yeah.)

I feel like shit. I feel so lost and incomplete I can barely walk with my own two feet. I have been gliding along the winds of change and I have no idea where it's taking me. I am not better but I know I haven't gotten worse. I am just what I am. Lost. Incomplete.

I am the worst child of God. I have been so soaked up with my swelling emotions that I never even made earnest efforts to seek Him again. I have always prayed. I never stopped. I just felt like I have lost my connection with the one person I know I should lay my life on the line for.

I am the worst daughter. I have done everything every daughter should be ashamed of. I have disappointed my parents in every non-fashionable manner. I do not have the face to even show myself to them.

I am the worst sister. I have grown distant to the two people who look after me when I couldn't seem to manage myself. I shoved them off, maybe a bit too far, that I can't seem to reach them even with both arms extended.

I am the worst friend. Instead of being supportive, I may have ended up unconsciously competing with his girl only because I thought I'd be less important to him if I didn't fight back. Turns out fighting is never the cure. In the process of hurting them both, I lost my best friend and hurt myself.

I am the worst partner. It's difficult to date me because of too many restrictions. Though I work on things, I am quite a slow learner. My eagerness to adopt and adjust and be better is there, the work is there, but the progress takes time. If the guy I'm dating can't stretch his patience, then we might not be able to stretch our relationship.

I can be quite disappointing.

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Photo taken from this site.

Time

Time heals. Time restores.

Time moves forward and opens new doors.

Time is slow. Time is fast.

Time stored us plenty memories that last.

Time pardons none. Time is on time.

Time ticks in an endless cyclical rhyme.

Time can be measured, controlled 

in seconds, minutes, and hours.

Time can be owned. This time, it's ours.